Over the past six years, this blog has been a little book that contains the story of our family. It has seen me leave an abusive marriage, the pregnancies and births of two children, my entire relationship with David, and many of the adventures we've embarked upon over the years. But more than that, more special then the things we've done or the memorable events, this blog has captured my growth and our growth as a family. Though words often fail to convey how I truly feel, I've written how investing in my family changed my life, the powerful joy I found in simply being devoted to them, how completing our family gave new meaning to being whole, and many of the ways my relationship with my family has become deeper and more meaningful. So many of the stories of our life have been shared here, and I'll always be grateful for the memories captured here.
But with time, that passionate desire to share allthethings on social media has slowly but surely faded. Somewhere along the way I realized how truly sacred every single moment I have with my family is, and the desire to eliminate outside distraction and simply be more present with my family has grown and grown. I’m leaving my camera and my phone behind more often when we go out, I’m taking fewer photos when I do bring them along, and I’m taking time to revel in the memories of the day privately, rather than rushing to share them with the rest of the world, as I once did. I’ve slowly shifted my way of thinking, and what was once an obsessive need to document everything is now little more than an afterthought, as I’m too busy simply living life to let those things preoccupy my mind.
And as I've shifted my obsession from capturing our memories to simply living those memories, I've realized something else. I suppose you could say that I've always used the blog - in some teeny, tiny, small way - for a bit of validation. Not in specifically seeking compliments or anything like that, but just feeling a small sense of validation in knowing that someone out there somewhere found our story, our life, interesting. But over time, I've built an unshakable inner validation that allows me to love our story for what it is - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've become so content with this life we're living that I don't want our story to be tainted by ego or bragging, which is an inevitable part (no matter how small) of sharing it with the rest of the world. The more settled and happy and fulfilled I become with this beautiful life we've created, the less I want the outside world to "be a part" of it, as selfish as that sounds.
Now, more than ever before, I find I just want to hoard these memories we're making, to keep them locked inside. I no longer have that overwhelming desire to describe the peace and love and happiness I've found to strangers, as those who truly know me can see it within me. I no longer wish to shout our story from the mountaintops, because those who truly matter are already a part of this story. And while it worked just fine for six years, I no longer wish to share this love we have for one another with the outside world. I want to keep that treasure locked deep inside, just for us.
And so, with these words, we begin the next chapter in our story. I've fought this change for quite some time, reluctant to let go of something that has been such a big part of my life for nearly six year now - but I'm really excited about heading in this new direction, as I feel it will allow my family to continue growing closer and closer. It's always been my goal to live my best life, and to build the best life this family can live, and I feel like this is a big step closer to that goal.
I don't know exactly what this means for the blog. There's a part of me that would like to continue sharing my photography, some of my personal goals, progress on our home, and so on. For now, I want to take a step back from all this for awhile and see how I feel about it. It's the perfect time to take an intentional break, to give us the chance to soak up the last of Summer and then adjust to our new routine. I plan to return in a few week's time, and reveal what I've discovered.